Its been a hectic and chaotic few weeks. It feels as though my whole world has been ripped from beneath me and shaken about. The last full moon seemed to spark incredible release and realisation, which was difficult to see and accept. My moon cycle started again for the first time since summer 2013 and bleeding again has been amazing. I had a strange dream where I gave birth to an ugly deformed baby that embodied the hurt and cruelty, the negativity and darkness that has harbored inside me over the past few years. I then woke up and went to the bathroom to see I had started bleeding. This is a huge symbolic emotional and karmic release for me and I am very grateful to have a flow again.
Its been difficult to accept that I am now effectively alone and am exploring what it means to be me again. I feel like I have no idea anymore…. and as far as sexuality goes I feel like a virgin all over again. Its very bizarre but a great healing is coming through it.
I have been numbing all this hurt through smoking a lot of tobacco, drinking lots of coffee and eating large amounts of heavy sugary fatty junk food. So, my body aches.. my back hurts from smoking and putting pressure on my lungd, my lower back kills from the strain gluten and dairy is having on my colon, I am stuffed with mucus, feel foggy and have hazy vision, no energy and am depressed, anxious, paranoid and very angry.
I am totally unable to cope with emotional pain…
So, in time for Spring and Beltane, I am embarking on a serious cleanse. This time in a ritual setting with a friend and with the hope for health instead if obsessive weight loss. I haven’t drank coffee or smoked for a day and today I go dairy and animal free. Tomorrow its sugar I will let go of.
If I don’t sort out this horrible cycle I will be very sick come summer.
Love and light. Wishing you well xx blessings xx